Episode IV: School Daze
In the last episode, Ben Kenobi was accepted into the Jedi Academy as Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice. Over a month has passed since then, and Obi-Wan continues to excel in his studies and training. But as Yoda forewarned, the padawan is still somewhat rebellious.
It is late at night, as Obi-Wan Kenobi sits on the bed in his dorm room. He is going through the few belongings he grabbed during his hasty departure from Taboo. The young apprentice still has fond memories of his bohemian life back on that crazy planet. A life that was full of fun and adventure, two things that are sorely lacking here at the stuffy and austere Jedi Academy. He sighs deeply. Then, an impish smile crosses the padawan's face as he holds up a small bottle filled with a silvery powder. Obi-Wan decides it's time to liven things up a bit around the old school.
The apprentice slips out of his room and down to the empty dining hall. Obi-Wan is careful not to be seen as he enters the huge, dark room. He begins sprinkling tiny amounts of the powder onto the chairs and tables in the front section of the hall. He giggles as he exits the room, his dastardly deed committed.
~
Early the next morning, everyone is entering the dining hall for breakfast. They take their seats, all the Jedi masters sitting at the front of the room. Qui-Gon and Yoda enter the dining hall. Master Jinn sighs as he scans the room.
"Oh no! Looks like Obi-Wan has overslept again. I'd better go and get him. Excuse me, Master Yoda." Qui-Gon leaves the room as Yoda lets out a disapproving "Hmmmphf!"
Qui-Gon sees Obi-Wan quickly coming down the hallway.
"Well. I see someone stayed up too late again last night."
"Sorry, Master. It won't happen again."
"Yeah, right. Come on, let's eat."
Qui-Gon enters the room and freezes in his tracks. "What the...?!"
Obi-Wan walks up behind his master, staring in amazement at the scene unfolding in the dining hall. Every Jedi master is scratching like crazy. Arms, legs, backs... everywhere. Obi-Wan starts to giggle as he watches Jedi Council members rolling on the floor, rubbing up against the walls, chairs and tables. He starts laughing hysterically as he points at Yoda, who's squirming across the floor on his back, trying to relieve the itch of a somewhat delicate posterior area. Qui-Gon turns and glares at his apprentice.
"What's so funny?!"
Kenobi stops laughing as Qui-Gon intently studies his face.
"Itching powder?! How juvenile! Man, you're pathetic!", the Jedi master growls.
Obi-Wan closes his eyes and quickly lowers his head -- not out of shame or repentance...
but to keep from laughing at Yoda again.
~
That afternoon, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon slowly enter the Jedi Council Chamber. The apprentice sheepishly scans the room, observing the stern faces of the Council members. His eyes lock on Yoda, as the Jedi Master addresses him.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, step forward."
The apprentice nervously eyes Qui-Gon, who turns away. Then Kenobi walks up to Yoda and Mace Windu.
Yoda addresses the padawan. "Very unfortunate, this deed in the dinning hall today, Obi-Wan. Have the mind to expel you, we do."
Then it's Mace's turn to scold Obi-Wan. "Were it not for your ranking at the top of your class... and the tight labor market for those strong with the Force... we would've run you out of here so fast, your shadow would have to post a reward to find your butt again."
Qui-Gon bursts out laughing, but stops and clears his throat as Mace and Yoda frown at him.
"And derelict are you, Master Qui-Gon, in your duties as master and mentor to young Kenobi." Yoda waves his finger at the Jedi knight. "You, as much as your apprentice, are to blame. Therefore, in his punishment, shall you share."
"What the...?! Hey look, I had no idea that little candy-a..." Qui-Gon calms down as he notices Yoda and Mace looking disdainfully at him. "Uh... sorry about that. What I meant to say is, I do take full responsibility for my padawan's action, and am ready to face whatever punishment you deem necessary for me to suffer."
Yoda grins as he whispers something to Mace. Windu shakes his head and replies, "No. No, we can't do that... it's illegal."
Qui-Gon swallows hard, as Obi-Wan nervously looks back and forth between the two Council leaders and his master.
Finally, Yoda and Mace nod in agreement. Yoda turns to his right, whispering their decision to the other Council members, as Mace turns to his left, doing the same. Once the sentence is circulated and unanimously agreed upon, Yoda addresses Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.
"Master Jinn, step forward."
Qui-Gon anxiously stands beside Obi-Wan.
"The Council's decision it is, that punishment for you and Obi-Wan shall be... Doody Duty for one week."
"Oh, crap!", Qui-Gon grumbles.
"Precisely, Master Jinn", Mace retorts. "You and Obi-Wan will be on restroom clean-up duty all week here at the Academy. Think of it as a way for you to help your padawan 'clean-up' his act."
All the Council members start laughing as Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan bow and leave the Chamber. The Jedi knight mumbles something very rude on his way out.
~
The next day, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are in one of the many restrooms at the Jedi Academy. They're both wearing aprons and gloves. Obi-Wan completes his look with a large, pink shower cap. He's scrubbing a toilet, then pauses to take a deep breath.
"Ahhh... as fresh as a Carolina pine forest!"
Qui-Gon glares at the padawan. "I don't believe it! You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Uh, no. Of course not, master. I'm just taking a little pride in my workmanship, that's all."
"Well. We must hurry then. There are other toilets waiting to experience the magical touch of such a fine ToiletMaster as yourself."
Qui-Gon leaves the restroom, as Obi-Wan stands basking in the glory of his master's compliment. Then it dawns on the padawan that his master was just being sarcastic. "Why", Obi-Wan thinks to himself, "I haven't even been knighted as a ToiletMaster yet. I'm merely a ToiletPadawan!" Upset at Qui-Gon's ridiculing of his true ToiletRank, Obi-Wan sticks his tongue out at the door, then joins his master outside.
Several restrooms (and happy toilets) later, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are walking down a hall. Qui-Gon glances down at his timepiece.
"Finally! Lunch time. I'm gonna go change before I go down. I'll see you in the dinning hall later."
"Yes, master." Obi-Wan bows as Qui-Gon leaves. As the padawan turns for his room, he notices Yoda coming from the other end of the hall. Kenobi darts around the corner, then peaks out to spy on the Jedi master. He watches him enter a restroom. The padawan stealthily follows Yoda inside. The Jedi master has entered one of the stalls and is singing...
"Sun-ny days, chasing the clouds a-way..."
Obi-Wan bends down to see Yoda's feet rocking along to the song. The padawan starts grinning as he thinks of a way to get back at the ol' stodgy headmaster. He quietly removes one of his rubber gloves and tightly attaches it to the sink's faucet, as Yoda continues singing. Obi-Wan slowly turns on the water and the glove begins to expand. He slips outside and giggles, as he hastily retreats around the corner. Ten minutes have passed, and Yoda finally goes to wash his hands. His eyes open wide in shock, as the glove has now expanded to the size of a large beach ball. But just as the Jedi Master turns for the door, the glove explodes and drenches him in cold water. Obi-Wan sneaks up to the door, covers his mouth and laughs hysterically as Yoda angrily stands in the restroom, soaking wet and yelling every known profanity in the galaxy.
~
Later that afternoon, Obi-Wan is again standing before a vexed Jedi Council. Qui-Gon is silently seething at the rear of the room, as the Council members deliberate a sentence for his padawan's latest infraction. Mace Windu turns to the apprentice.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, for your continued rebellious actions and disrespect for the Council and it's members, we have no option left, but to expel you from the Academy."
The padawan lowers his head and starts bawling like a little kid who's had his lunch money taken from him. He's sniffling and rubbing his eyes. The whole thing is rather pathetic. His upset and rather embarrassed master yells out to him.
"Oh please!! At least take your punishment like a man!"
Kenobi slowly starts calming down, as Yoda turns to his master.
"Speaking of punishment, time for yours it is, Master Qui-Gon. How good you at licking stamps?"
Qui-Gon is stunned as he remembers Yoda's old threat to send him down to the mailroom.
"What?!", the Jedi master angrily protests. "You said if I didn't find a padawan, which I have, THEN you'd send me to the mailroom!"
Mace leans back in his chair, as he studies Qui-Gon.
"Well, I believe he said that this padawan 'must find favor amongst the Council members'. I'm afraid your apprentice has become persona non grata around here, Master Qui-Gon. Such a shame, too. Once again, a potentially great Jedi knight is derailed by his own lack of self-control... much like another pupil who was recently expelled."
"Sarin?!" Qui-Gon walks up to Mace and Yoda. "Sarin! The Council gave him a couple of chances to redeem himself and return to the Academy. And what that disgruntled little goat-boy did to me, was far worse than anything Obi-Wan has done."
Qui-Gon glances over to Sarin's distant relative and Council member, Eeth Koth.
"Rumor has it, that Sarin received such special treatment because of his close, personal ties to the Jedi Council."
Master Koth rolls his eyes and looks over at Mace and Yoda, who then stare at each other with this "Oh Crap!!" expression on their faces.
Mace sighs deeply and turns back to Qui-Gon. "Alright, fine. The Council will discuss this matter further. At sunrise tomorrow, you will bring your padawan before us to hear our final decision on this matter. In the meantime, one more slip-up, Master Jinn, and you may be joining Obi-Wan back on Taboo. Hey, maybe you two could even tour the nightclub circuit together. You might call your act 'Jinn and Tonic'!" Mace and the rest of the Council start laughing.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan bow and leave the Council Chamber. The apprentice turns to his master, smiling.
"Jinn and Tonic. That's a very clever nickname Master Windu gave us, don't you think?"
Qui-Gon mumbles back, "Yeah. Just as clever as the day I first mentioned it to him as a joke."
Next Time...
Episode V:
Second Chance
Episode III
Episode V
Georgette's World Star Wars Picture Humor