Episode V: Second Chance
In the last episode, Obi-Wan Kenobi was expelled from the Jedi Academy because of one-too-many pranks he pulled. But after a plea from Master Qui-Gon Jinn, the Jedi Council reluctantly agreed to consider giving his padawan another chance.
The Council Chamber is brightly illuminated as the sun slowly rises above the Coruscant skyline. The doors open and Qui-Gon Jinn, along with Obi-Wan Kenobi, enter the room and bow low before Yoda and Mace Windu. Master Windu wearily exhales as he leans forward in his chair.
"Master Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Council has reached a final decision in your case. Let me preface its announcement by saying that the Council spent several heart-wrenching, soul-searching hours deliberating your fate. And after spending all that time and energy, we finally decided that the only fair way to settle this was..." Mace removes something from his pocket.
"...With a Chance Cube."
Obi-Wan nervously glances at Qui-Gon, who protests in utter disbelief. "You must be kidding! What chance do we have with that thing?!"
Yoda smirks. "Hmmpppf! Much more chance than to you I was willing to give!"
Qui-Gon folds his arms, sliding his hands into his robe sleeves, and starts making rude finger gestures toward Yoda.
"We'll let Fate decide your chances, Qui-Gon. Blue -- you win; red -- well..." Mace rolls the cube across the floor. Qui-Gon tries to control the roll with a Jedi wave, but can't get his hands out of his sleeves fast enough. Obi-Wan fixes an intense stare on the cube and uses the Force, but the padawan overdoes it and sends the cube flying down a ventilation shaft.
Mace is visibly upset. "Crap! I didn't even throw it that hard!", he sighs and slaps his head.
Obi-Wan grins wildly. "Well, I guess that settles it. We win by default!"
"Not so fast, young apprentice." Yoda steps down from his seat and approaches Obi-Wan. "Settle this, we will... with a game of Paper-Scissors-Rock!"
The Council members nervously eye one another... no one has ever beaten Jedi Master Yoda at THIS game. Qui-Gon resigns himself to choosing the type of plant he'd like on his new mailroom desk.
Obi-Wan looks puzzled. "Paper-Scissors-Rock? What, are we going to build something?"
Yoda smirks. Qui-Gon decides on a cactus. "It's an easy, low-maintenance plant", he assures himself.
Yoda gives Obi-Wan a two-sentence crash course on the rules of the game. Kenobi nervously smiles and nods, as he and the Jedi Master prepare to face-off. Then, pounding his fist into the palm of his other hand, Yoda quickly counts each stroke out loud, "ONE-TWO-THREE!"
Georgette's World
~
Early the next day, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are slowly walking down a busy street in central Coruscant. Jinn wears a blank expression as Kenobi nervously turns to his master. "You know, maybe I should've told Master Yoda that I used to hustle tourists with that game back on Taboo."
Qui-Gon chuckles. "Nah, forget about it. What's important is that we won. I get to stay OUT of the mailroom, and you get to stay IN the Academy. Unfortunately, Windu had to give us this stupid street assignment just to spite us."
Obi-Wan sighs. "Well, at least YOU didn't have to get this stupid-looking haircut!"
Qui-Gon examines his padawan's new do. "Yes... it is quite stupid, isn't it." The Jedi master snickers as he turns and walks away.
Obi-Wan sticks his tongue out at Qui-Gon, while making a rather nasty face. The Jedi spins around quickly, looking suspiciously at his padawan, who nervously grins and restarts their conversation. "Uh... master, what exactly does one do on these 'street assignments'?"
Qui-Gon continues to study his padawan, who has lowered his head and is avoiding eye contact. "Nothing, really. Just a lotta public relations crap. Like smiling at the kids, winking at the girls, helping little old rich ladies cross the street and hoping they'll slip you a few credits, which few of those cheap cows ever do!"
"Hmmm, 'public relations', huh? Well back on Taboo, we had another name for hustling little ol' ladies..." Obi-Wan looks up to see his master frowning at him. "But, 'public relations'... is nice. Meeting all the wonderful people of Coruscant... is nice." The padawan realizes he's starting to get on his master's nerves again, so he shuts up as they continue walking down the crowded street.
Then Qui-Gon slowly stops in his tracks, staring straight ahead.
"What is it, master?" Obi-Wan stares off in the same direction, trying to figure out what Qui-Gon is so concerned about.
"Romil Solo... a gunrunner. Over there, getting out of that double-parked blue speeder with that droid. He and his family of pirates and smugglers continue to fuel the many flames of unrest throughout the galaxy. He was warned never to set foot again on Coruscant when we busted him six years ago. And now he's back."
"Yeah... yeah, I think I've seen this slimeball before. Taboo, I think. Well, what are we waiting for?" Obi-Wan whips out his lightsaber. "It's Giuliani time!"
"No!" Qui-Gon grabs his apprentice's arm. "No. He's taking an awful risk coming here again. That scumbag must be in on something big to justify this brazen action. C'mon, time to go on a little reconnaissance mission."
The Jedi stealthily weave through the crowd toward Solo. The gunrunner hails a taxi, as do the Jedi, and they continue to follow him through the streets of Coruscant.
During the long ride, Obi-Wan stares out the window of the small shuttle, as the view gradually degenerates into one of sleazy hotels, shops, and theaters... central Coruscant's 'Red Light' district. The padawan begins to feel terribly homesick. Then the taxi ahead stops and Solo exits, as Qui-Gon watches. "Driver, stop here." The Jedi put on their hoods and quickly leave the shuttle.
The gunrunner and his droid enter a particularly seedy hotel. As the Jedi walk up to the entrance, Obi-Wan reads the sign overhead. "The 'Do Drop Inn'? Betcha there's a waterbed and mirrored ceilings in every room."
Qui-Gon opens the door. "Well c'mon then, let's go."
"But aren't we still on duty?" Kenobi cheekily winks at his master, who once again frowns at him.
"You're disgusting!" Qui-Gon swiftly walks past Obi-Wan, letting the door hit the stunned and rather embarrassed padawan.
~
The Jedi cautiously walk through a deserted lobby, then start slowy down a long, dimly-lit hallway. The Jedi pass several doors before Qui-Gon pauses, listening for Solo's voice. After a few seconds, he takes a few steps and turns toward a door. He signals to Obi-Wan. Both Jedi carefully lean against the door to better hear the conversation inside.
"765,000. And that's our final offer. If I were you, I would take it, my friend. You may be the 'best' gunrunner around, but you are certainly not the only game in town."
Solo hesitates, then laughs. "Ha-ha, you drive a hard bargain, Lamu. Okay. Tell your people the package will be delivered at Sacul Spaceport in four days. I will contact you later with the exact arrival time. And now, my friend, let us drink to... where is that stupid droid, anyway?! He should have returned with our drinks by now! Wait here, I'll be right back."
Qui-Gon signals to Obi-Wan, who quickly follows his master down the hallway and out of the hotel.
As they hurry down the street, Obi-Wan becomes overly excited. "Wow man, this is gonna be sooo cool when we bust this sleaze! I can't wait! It's just like this play I was in once when..." Qui-Gon suddenly stops and turns to his padawan."Look, we're not gonna do anything before consulting the Council. They will decide WHEN or IF we do anything. They might even turn this over to the Coruscant Intelligence Agency."
"What? The CIA?! No way! Those crooked bureaucrats wouldn't nail this guy if you GAVE them the hammer. They're beholden to the same corrupt bunch running the Galactic Senate! Believe me man, I know a RAT when I smell one. I had to roast more than a few for dinner when I first started my career on Tab..." Qui-Gon, disgusted, suddenly turns and starts walking away from Obi-Wan.
"You don't know what you're talking about! The CIA has worked with us on several cases before. They're hard-working, dedicated people. And morally upright, unlike you and your friends back on Taboo."
Obi-Wan grabs his master's arm. "Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something about YOUR friends at the CIA and Taboo. Next to Galactic Senators, our best customers were CIA. Hey, some of those guys did things I never imagined were physically -- or morally -- possible. Downright freaky stuff, man. Now think about it. Why does a guy as infamous as Solo show up in Coruscant, in broad daylight? This guy has no fear. He knows he won't be touched because he's got friends in high places. I'm telling you, someone in the Senate is in on this deal."
Qui-Gon jerks his arm away from Obi-Wan. "Maybe. I don't know. I do know that we need to alert the Council about Solo's presence. We'll have to trust their judgement on how to proceed with this matter." The Jedi master turns and starts walking away.
Obi-Wan sighs as he thinks to himself, "Oh, great! By the time we sit around listening to that senile old fart Yoda ramble on and on about proper procedures, we'll have missed everything! And that bowling-ball-head Mace would probably love to dump this down some other bureaucrat's throat, just so he doesn't have to do any paperwork! But we wouldn't even have to deal with these stiffs at all, if that overly-cautious, pansy-of-a-master of mine, would just use a little initiative AND testosterone, that is if he still has any lef... UUUGGGHHH!!"
Obi-Wan can't seem to catch his breath.
Qui-Gon stops and slowly turns to his padawan, staring deeply into his eyes.
"You know, you should be more careful.
A guy could get hurt... thinking so hard."
Obi-Wan suddenly takes a deep breath, able to breathe freely again. As he watches Qui-Gon turn and walk away, the padawan is now fully convinced that his master's testosterone level is more than adequate.
Next Time...
Episode VI:
The Big Boss
Episode IV
Episode VI
Georgette's World Star Wars Picture Humor