the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

Hillary was right about the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy!

However, she was wrong about their only target being President Bill Clinton and the Democratic Party.

This GOP-led conspiracy is in fact a Sith master plan to spread Dark Side neoConservatism throughout the galaxy!

...And they may well succeed. Just take a look at this GOP all-star team:

  Emperor Palpatine

A legend in his own time, the Emperor is history's greatest political strategist, even putting Machiavelli to shame. Using various profit-sharing incentives, this Darkest of Sith Lords insures that his lackeys will continue to do his bidding. He can also dispense a healthy dose of Dark Side lightning to "persuade" even the stingiest of party members to contribute heavily to the GOP.

  Darth Dubya

Selected to be President of the United States by fellow Sith Lord (and friend of his father) Darth Scalia, this Sith Lord is indeed the most Fortunate Son in the galaxy.

  Darth Cheney

When not cussing-out U.S. Senators on the floor of the Senate, this Sith Lord acts as the de-facto President of the United States. Darth Cheney reports directly to the Emperor himself, while keeping Dubya away from the "Little Red Launch Button".

  Darth Frist

This doctor and Senate Majority Leader has the right prescription for crony capitalism, ensuring every medical "reform" law greatly "reforms" the profit margins of his family's HMO empire. Truly a sith lord after Palpatine's own heart (literally).

  Darth Delay

Nicknamed "The Exterminator", this ruthless sith lord fumigates anything that even looks halfway progressive. Whether it's healthcare for poor children or benefits for unemployed workers, Darth Delay kills the oxymoron of "compassionate conservatism" dead.

  Darth Scalia

Affectionately known by his fellow Sith Lords as "Tony the Enforcer", this Supreme Court Justice played the pivotal role in selecting Darth Dubya as President. The Emperor has promised to repay the favor by appointing him Chief Justice in the very near future.

  Darth Condi

This Sith Lord seemed the right choice to head Security, knowing everything she did about those evil, conniving Russian commies... except, like Saddam Hussein, they had nothing to do with 9-11. Palpatine is close to dumping Darth Condi in favor of someone who will actually brief him on galactic security matters BEFORE disaster strikes.

  Darth Rumsfeld

Also known as "Darth Rummy", this sith lord uses his powerful hypnotic stare and discombobulated doublespeak to daze and confuse the crap outta the Pentagon press corps. Even Palpatine gets dizzy after watching Rummy tackle a press briefing for more than two minutes.

  Darth Burton

A relentless pursuer of baseless claims and accusations, this Lord is considered by some in his own party to be totally "whacked-out", and is being closely monitored by the Emperor himself. A gardening enthusiast, Palpatine has little tolerance for those who use .38 revolvers on defenseless watermelons.

  Darth Rush

This lord has also fallen out of favor with the Emperor, after Palpatine suspected him of trying to setup his own drug-dealing operation. His life was spared only because of evidence pointing to all those thousands of prescription painkillers being for his own personal use. And his recruitment of millions of clueless "ditto-heads" to the Dark Side of the Force didn't hurt him either. Still, the Emperor zapped him with a few doses of Dark Side lightning for good measure.






So be vigilant, my fellow Americans... the Sith are among us, everywhere. Even the guy next to me is starting to look republican!

want more GOP humor? take a trip to DUBYA'S WORLD

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Time for a Regime Change





2004/09/16